“The panic attack”
From a panic attack, to panic disorder, to Agoraphobia & back.
For some unknown reason, after experiencing a few horrific panic attacks, that seem to come from nowhere, with no cause & no cure, but instantly cause a massive intense irrational fear of living, dying, or losing one’s mind, one can become engaged in living on the edge of a 24/7 deep seated fear of “anticipatory” panic, of how bad it’s going to be & what’s going to happen when it happens again & it will, as the mind knows that this attack was far too strong & horrifying to be nothing.
It’s a sudden intense state of dizzying fearful confusion & then BAMM, death jumps out screaming “you’re going to die” & suddenly you can’t breathe, think, or move & have no idea why, as the brain floods adrenaline through the veins, to fire up the fight, flight, freeze response, for no known logical reason. So now, feeling like a fool do you run from nothing, to nowhere, or just stand there & die? As all the feelings of sweating, shaking, rapid heart beat, tunnel vision & feelings of a complete brain & sensory overload of going to die, or go insane, are running rampant inside you, without anyone realizing that anything is going on & the mind is spinning out of control, trying to figure out how to extinguish the extreme fear & fight, flight, freeze feelings, when there is nothing to run from, or to fight? It is an ultimate feeling oxymoron, as there is absolutely no way to stay & live & no where to run & die.
So now picture going down to a store & once inside, all of a sudden you start to sweat a little bit, or shake a little & all of a sudden your brain says, hang on a second, these are familiar fear feelings, there must be something going on & it sends an adrenaline rush, that starts the fight flight freeze response, for no warranted reason & panic kicks in & it all happens again, standing in the middle of the store, with tunnel vision, getting ready to either freak out, or have a heart attack, while shaking sweating & everything else & have got to get out of there & once outside the mind says, you’re okay & decides that it must have been being in that store, that did it, so going to stay away from that place.
The problem is, that at 1st, it has nothing to do with where ones at, it has to do with the mental misinterpretation, of the normal physiological feelings, that the body felt & that the brains memory bank misinterpreted & so when they started, it set off an alarm in the brain, which sent a signal, to set off the rush of adrenaline & Cortisol to protect you, which unfortunately has become part of the issue.
Then these feelings, the release & the misinterpretation & panic happens again, at another store & another & then at the movies, in a concert, at the bar, at school & next thing you know at the neighbor’s house & out in the yard & before long just opening the front door it happens & you say I cannot do that anymore & you are now imprisoned in Agoraphobia & it absolutely can happen that way.
At 17-19 yrs. old I was in a house for years & could not walk out the front door, to the extent that if you put a million dollars on the front porch & a shotgun behind my head & gave me the choice, you would have had to blow my head off, as I couldn’t open the screen door, to reach out to grab that million dollars, for absolutely no reason whatsoever & that is the absolute truth, on how real this panic feels, but after 44 years of research, studies, tests & prayers I have finally had some great breakthroughs & believe that I will be able to help others, suffering with these horrific life stealing issues, to find some of the answers that they are seeking.
Be sure to follow along weekly at; https://www.facebook.com/groups/agoraphobiapanicattackhelp & https://www.facebook.com/Godswatchingoverus & https://www.facebook.com/Comebackpower101/
My Story.
I have battled PD with Agoraphobia for 44 years, the First 12 with Agoraphobia, in such horrific torture of panic & fear, which led to alcohol abuse & depression to the point that I only wanted to & tried to just die, for 12 long lonely mind blowing fearful tearful years.
My 1st panic attack came in Nov. 1982, I was 16 years old & had a very normal active life, up until that attack, which was a sudden full blown mind bending irrational fear of losing my mind & life, while standing in the middle of a crowd of 84,000 people at the Who concert, inside the Pontiac Silverdome. Within month’s, I not only could not go into stores, or buildings, without having a panic attack, I could not get in cars, go to school, go to work & within no time could not even open the front door of the house. I spent my days sitting behind a couch, shaking & wanting to die, scared to death that someone would call, or come to the door. I became very good at making excuses, to everybody, of why I couldn’t go here, or there, or anywhere, as I truly could not, for any reason whatsoever, period.
At 28 yrs old, I beat Agoraphobia, but the panic pretty much still ran certain parts of my life, from that point forward, but there are a lot of things I can do today, though most of those who know me, have no idea that there are 1000 x more things that I cannot do, simple things, basic things, but things that my mind just has not overcome yet, but I will never stop fighting & winning.
I have managed to acquire a B.A.degree in Social Work from the Univ. of Michigan & a B.A. in Ministry, as well as degrees in Mental Health & Psychology & obtained a lot of experience with hurting & downtrodden populations, as I have allowed God to use me, lead me & guide me, in being able to reach & provide some hope to many lost broken souls.
This is what I am coming here to do & what qualifies me:
To help ones suffering with Agoraphobia & or “Panic Disorder” panic attacks, how to become victorious over the horrific thoughts & feelings that have become embedded into & disrupted the daily & hourly lives, of sufferers convincing them that there is much more wrong, than what is actually true. e.g. No one has ever died from, or went insane from a panic attack, even though feelings lie & say that this can happen. Panic attacks do not equal mental illness, or brain disorder, or wrong firings, or imbalances in the brain, even though they are a thought that the brain sends to protect us, along with the flash flood of Adrenaline, which is a lg. part of the issue that we will touch on often.
F.Y.I. I am not doing this from a medical platform & will not be treating you, but will be sharing a great deal of personal education, knowledge, experience & personal suffering & interventions & will also be learning along with you, as I work to move from 60% healed, to 100% victorious over these issues.
So this is in no way medical advice, as we are all different & this is just what Ive discovered, over many years, of what may work for some who have the patience & stamina to put themselves first & accept possible changes in their thinking & beliefs.
First off it is very important to get a medical checkup, as soon as you can, to rule out any possible health issues, as it is possible to have an underlying condition that needs to be treated 1st by a professional.
This is what qualifies me for this project: I have been battling & or studying, researching & testing “Panic disorder” & attacks for 44 years. I battled 24/7 with 50 panic attacks a day for 12 years. I was locked in my house for 3 years before being evicted. I then stayed within a block for many years, behind dumpsters or garages. I had also become severely addicted, to trying to drink myself to death, which I accomplished after 12 years.
I was a miraculous recovery, after 12 yrs. Of Agoraphobia with panic attacks & a min. of 2 fifth of vodka a day, every day, for 12 yrs. I had been bleeding severely internally for yrs., I had blood, liver, pancreas etal disease, I was 5’10” & about 80 pounds, I was suffering grandmal seizures & was 80%+ crippled & blind. When the Dr. told my mom & sister that this time it was over, I was done, I died & sat up & walked out of the hospital, healthier & happier than I had ever been. There was no withdrawal, no Agoraphobia or fear, no more sickness, no more bleeding, I could see & walk & walked out & started my brand new life, at 28 yrs. Old & have been steamrolling with God for 42 yrs. So far.
Over the years I have tried many anxiety medications, therapies, groups, have studied & became proficient in many therapies, taught many individuals how to function through anxiety, depression, substance abuse disorders & have been an advocate for our Lord & savior, not as a believer, but as a Knower, but again Iwork with, pray for & love all people regardless of beliefs, life choices, or where there at in life today, as I have no right to judge any person on this planet & I will not. I may not agree with, or condone your lifestyle, but that’s between you & your powers & has nothing to do with us needing each other, to be accepting of each other, as a living hurting soul needing help.
Over the next few years I worked in & managed many direct care facilities, nursing homes, Alzheimer’s homes & one on one care, as I worked my way through College & Univ. of Mich. & have Bachelor’s degrees & experience in Mental health, Psychology, Social Work & Ministry.
I have self published 2 help books. 1 for beating negative thoughts & behaviors through changes in thought processes. 1 for learning the truths about life, as God, not the church, or religious groups, intended.
I created & ran 2 501c3 Non-profit Charities, to lift lost, lonely, broken feeling souls up out of the oppression & lies of the word & help them to see that “You Are Not Alone You Are Amazing .com” Created my own websites & fulfilled all operations for the charities for 7 yrs.
So even while still experiencing panic disorder I managed to get in 2 years Community college, 3 yrs. University, to start 2 resale companies, 2 nonprofits, publish 3 books, hold many jobs, purchase many autos, go to many concerts, become active in 3 large churches & 1 lg. homeless shelter, got married, bought a house, completely orchestrated my own bankruptcy & divorce. I am far from bragging as there are hundreds of normal things, that I have not become capable of doing, because I stopped where I was at, but now I will expand my boundaries, while showing you how to step out of yours, together with God, if you are a believer & just together if you are a non believer, as I want to see you victorious over this horrible affliction, regardless of your personal life statuses & choices, as only we know the true pain & torment of the loneliness & fear of Agoraphobia.
With those accomplishments, or even without them, what truly qualifies me the most, to try & help you is LOVE. With all that God has brought me through & all that He has shared with me to share with others & the fact, that as horrible of a person as I have been, He never stopped loving me, even when I did & because of this, I can honestly say that I truly love every person, as He commands me too & have a very special caring spot in my heart & soul for those whose lives have become imprisoned by this irrational fear garbage.
I have missed many things in life do to this condition, weddings, funerals, even my twin sisters murdered at 22 yrs. Old, graduations, vacations, high school, having a family etc. way to many things to list, or waste time crying over & then once I came back alive & expanded quite a bit, but then I stopped growing outward? as I had stretched my safety zone to 35 miles, any direction, but I now know that I still have a lot of work, to expand my life boundaries back to fully doing as I wish without thinking about what if?
I can give you my experiences & research & what I have learned & believe & what saved me, but you are here to learn, or to re-learn, how to believe in yourself, not in me, as you are not alone & you are amazing & you must learn this for yourself & stand by it. Now I am a firm believer in all God’s power & all He has done for me, but if you are a believer, or unbeliever is irrelevant to me, as we all have different roads to follow, but pain is pain & fear is fear, for all of us & I am not a judge, I am a fellow sufferer & friend who wants to help you to believe in yourself, to walk out of this victoriously, as you do have powers of self healing that you can learn to tap into & you are most definitely worth finding your full potential, but again it’s going to take work, beliefs, patience & new understanding of oneself, while learning to not allow feelings & thoughts; your own, or others, to tell you what, or who you are, as feelings & thoughts will lie to you. It’s time to work on the truths that will lift & carry you out, not thoughts & feelings that will kick you when you’re down.
